I overslept. I didn’t wake up when September ended. Here I am.
Over the last couple of months, I got too caught up with work. I lived the life of a zombie, worked like a robot running on battery, only to drain myself out day after day, and falling into slumber when my energy runs dry.
That feeling isn’t great, honestly. I wake up with a throbbing headache, with no energy to even make myself a proper meal, or even to speak to my family on the worse days. I wake up feeling like I’m ready to hibernate for the next month, but there I was, still churning night after night, hustling for the money and just to fulfill the responsibility that I was tasked with.
I lost a lot of the things that used to make me get excited like a child at a theme park. I lost my love for Kpop, my love for anime and manga, my love for photography, my love for video-making, my love for painting, my love for art, my love for… life.
I cast my health aside. Spent hours upon hours, staring at the bright screen of my laptop. I often found myself listening to the sounds of my parents waking up, getting ready to start their day, as I slowly drift to sleep, Feeling like I’ve just used up every inch of my energy. I stopped eating proper meals, not even bothering to go out and buy food, I just make-do with whatever. I thought that would be fine, but my weight was telling me otherwise.
I got too caught up with thinking about my future, too upset over disrupted plans, too affected by all the negative emotions that drowned my inner voices out. I’m trying to figure my life out, but that’s not really going to happen because… life doesn’t exactly work that way for everyone, and definitely not for me.
Perhaps life did throw a lot of shit at me, which is undeniably true, but many good things have happened too, just that I may have been too oblivious to all that to properly appreciate them. Now that I’m looking back, I regret for the wasted times.
I feel like God has been blessing me with so many things, yet I’ve only been focusing on the bad things. Blessings come through raindrops, and healing comes through tears too. I’ve been too oblivious, but now I’m seeing things fall into place, slowly but surely.
Writing this at midnight proves that my brain just gets very active before I sleep, and I get too emotional, melancholic, etc. I don’t know if anything is going to change after this piece of writing, but I want to stop living life like a walking corpse.
Its time to pick myself back up and start living again.
To live in the moment, while securing my future.
Hello, the last quarter of 2016.
Let’s do this.